February 2011
37 posts
January 2011
22 posts
Sentiment
Your comments. That photo. Last night I dreamed of tall grass and me, on a horse. We were free. With juice. A camera. Love. Fear, but the kind that makes you come alive. Tonight I thought of parks and swings and car trips with the baby. It would be sunny all the time. We could vacation in Mexico and comfortable Californians. It would be nice. Nice enough to not be sentimental.
A fool for fools
You are like coffee, when it comforts me, when it wakes me. You are like the sunsets, the roofs, the realness and the calm. You are what tends to me. You are what numbs me. You won’t get out of my head. But you got out of my life.
This isn’t depressing. It’s beautiful. Fools.
Jesus
Literally, I get weak thinking about you and your perfection. Point me to Jesus. Put a smile on my face in the middle of a long string of tears. Perfection. It’s too hard to live without you.
No regrets
I don’t regret loving you. Of course, it would be easier if I didn’t. But I do. And because I do, I am a better lover in general. When I hear your voice, I want to speak kind words and love more people and pray more and follow God more passionately. The more I love you, the closer I am to Jesus. You don’t even know this. You don’t even need to.
...
I’m so glad my brother is still young enough to not be bothered by the stress in my house. When there is tension, he’s still skipping down the hallway singing about his little life. Thank God. Bro, I hope you never stop singing.
...
I’d rather have my mother come back than have more crap and more food and more material things…someone call 911. My mom’s lost it. Moments like this make me want to run away and never come back. Should I?
The hardest part may be going back. Older, wiser and a bit more bruised. Battle wounds and scars. Imagery of weapons of mass self destruction. Yet I am reminded of my new creation. When I feel like all is lost, when I have no beauty to offer the world and the world has none for me…well, then the beauty of the cross becomes even more distinct. So Father, destroy me. Ruin the image of myself....
“If your law had not been my delight, I would have perished in my affliction.”
– ~Psalm 119:92 (via prayfordaisy)
Note
(Funny!) Message from my friend: Sophie, you are still young and i am sure you will find a good man, but don’t hurry. You are only 22. And you are tall.
but I don't want to speak to her.
“I will tell her that she is my wife and I love her more than anyone and that Sophie is my best friend and I love her as a friend , and I will let her speak with you.”
For this I am grateful: I am in a warm bed, with a full stomach and money enough in the bank to meet my needs for today. I am not sick in a hospital bed, nor am I alongside an ailing loved one. I am not starving, or trying to feed my hungry kids. I am not lonely, even though I do many things alone. I am not dying, even though I sometimes think I am. I am alive, in Him. For this I am grateful.
My plea
Really, what will come of us? When will this end? I have my loved ones near me tonight. But I know this will not always last. Ticking clock. My parents will die. I will die. I do not know the day. Noor is far away. And yet I pray. Come to the Lord, Noor. Sarah is long gone. And yet I pray. Come to the Lord, Sarah. Father, tend to your sheep. Go after the one who is lost. Loss. Love. Life is…...